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This "blog" is severely out-of-date. Their have been many intersting things discovered about possible solutions, and the one true best solution has been found.

All this material will be added someday.

As time permits I will return and augment the data AND add the SOLUTION.


On the IMDb "I Need To Know" message board appeared this Original Post:


Help with quote: "It doesn't DO anything. That's the beauty of it"

By - ssywak (Thu Apr 10 15:10:14)

I am trying to track down the movie which contains the dialogue:

"What does it do?" "It doesn't DO anything. That's the beauty of it."

I have a number of people wracking their brains for at least a week trying to figure this out.

TIA! --Steve


Here is the address of this thread: http://www.imdb.com/board/bd0000001/nest/1180562

(Thanks to kate_robyn for suggesting I add a set of links, you will find them in the grey box at the left.)

Mayhem ensued.

I have become interested in the thread (hereinafter termed "the thread"), but have difficulty accessing it efficiently due to its length and typically scattershot layout. This chart helps me think about it. Feel free to contact me DIRECTLY (via IMDb PM?) or COMMENT HERE to correct, add to, or critique it. I hope to finish and maintain it. I have no connection to the original poster or thread, or the IMDb boards or the IMDb other than as a registered IMDb user with the user name kcor1953.

First off, anyone who maintains this is an unanswerable question, for whatever reason, is a spoilsport, and has never worked in an office. When there is no answer, rewrite the question.

It has been pointed out that the question has been asked before in other venues and the same venue, to no resolution. Okay. It has been pointed out that it might have never existed in this precise form (the MULTIPLE SOURCES THEORY, first advanced APR 11 2003, and the ALTERNATE WORDING OR EMPHASIS THEORY, first advanced APR 14 2003), probably originated in another medium (the LITERATURE THEORY, first advanced APR 16 2003), and could become the basis of a new religion. The search has exposed the vagarities of human memory, the inefficiency of nonlogical methods, and the strength of good PROCESS.

GENERAL POSITS: The quote, or a near facsimile, can or does exist. A pure, simple question ("What does it do?"); a two-part response with a pure, simple answer ("It doesn't DO anything.") and a poetic qualifier ("That's the beauty of it!"). There is a McGuffin (object/machine OR concept/plan). We prefer, in this order, a match in movies, TV or other lively art, or prose. We want, in this order, an exact match, a close match, a qualified match. We want, ideally, the first instance chronologically; failing that, the earliest instance. In this grey, not-black-and-white world a balance of the above factors is acceptable, and allows multiple answers.  

POSITS PECULIAR TO THIS CHART (ie, ME): Remembering what we've learned about human memory, the "It can't be in X, because I've never seen X" reasoning will not be accepted. NOs based on viewing or having checked scripts are accepted at face value when my subjective judgment is satisfied. They can be overturned by the same process (ie, prove me wrong). I favor a Brit comedic source (maybe Goon-ish, but uncertain origin) resurfacing in US films of the 60s, and homage in TV and films of the last 25-30 years. This might cause me to make mistakes. I favor evidense which, in this order: I can view & corroborate, includes healthy-sized citations (actual dialogue, time into movie, etc.), is lucidly presented. These apply whether it's a YES or a NO or a correction of my data. No Duck Tales.  

THE CHARTS: Each entry has/will have the date of its earliest suggestion. I have retained a record of the identity of the poster, but decided not to display it here. Some have brief notes composed by me, often with the date of a refutation. Some posts had been deleted before I saw or saved the thread, about AUG 09 2004. There are two kinds of Refutations. "Watched" is close to absolute, short of human error. "Checked Script" is less than absolute, due to the AD LIB THEORY, first advanced APR 20 2003.  

SUGGESTIONS are possible sources offered in replies on the thread. They were suggested merely, seem unlikely, or were strongly refuted. Some listed in the thread have been omitted by me. I do not want any new suggestions.

STRONG BUT REFUTED are suggestions which were offered with vigor, from multiple sources, or seemed likely but have been shot down.  

STRONG NOT REFUTED seem quite likely. What is needed now is not testimonials, but testimony (evidense).

THE CHARTS ARE AGAIN COMPLETE, worthwhile posts dated MAY 05 2005 or earlier have now been entered. Comments are welcomed, but will be vetted.

WHAT TO ADD TO CHARTS: Additions should take the form of the newest section CLOSEST EARLIEST, initially comprising one item from STRONG BUT REFUTED. Entries will need identity of movie (or whatever, include date) and full dialogue of the quote, with attribution (actor name or character name or description, explanation of McGuffin, whatever). See current entry for example of format. Addition of the ONE TRUE ANSWER would immediately destroy the purpose of the charts, and so it will destroy them in actuality. This site lives for its own destruction, and hopes for it soon.  

BENCHMARK: Please note that the STRONG BUT REFUTED category contains the current "winner," EARLIEST CLOSEST probably should go to Live a Little, Love a Little. Hudsucker Proxy is not close enough, nor early enough to qualify. Feel free to mine the REFUTED entries, but use the benchmark before you submit your evidense. I think you should stick to the NOT REFUTEDs for now. Use your own judgment about replying to the thread directly. I have no authority over it, and no right to subvert its primacy. All Hail ssywak, the mother of us all.

Below here are the bodies of the Charts--which I wish DIDN'T appear here on the main, Introductory Page. This is evidently due to the limitations of this free website. I suggest you use the TOPIC LINKS in the grey bar to the left and view each Chart in isolation, for clarity in understanding.

Posted by kcor1953beauty at 8:23 AM CDT | Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink
Updated: 08/09/08 1:02 PM CDT
REMEMBER: Please, no more suggestions.

About a Boy APR 16 03
Prolly alternate wording

Addams Family MAY 08 03
Did not specify panel, TV or movie

Airplane II OCT 06 04
Shatner's character?

Alf TV Thu Mar 17 04
NO, as suggester admitted suggestion was sarcasm Fri Mar 19 05

American Beauty APR 12 03
NO Watched AUG 27 04

Arthur APR 14 03

Avengers, The TV APR 15 03
prolly not a Peel

Back to the Future I APR 10 03
NO Checked Script, APR 10 2003
NO Watched SEP 10 04

Back to the Future II APR 18 03
NO unclear Watch or Checked Script AUG 27 04
NO Watched SEP 10 04

Back to the Future III APR 10 03
NO unclear Watch or Checked Script AUG 27 04
NO Watched SEP 10 04

Barbarella MAY 02 02
NO per excellent memory MAY 02 03
NO Watched AUG 09 04

Beauty and the Beast Disney APR 12 03
not typical Belle APR 13 03

Beetlejuice SEP 22 04
One of Delia's scultures?

Bedazzled (1967) APR 24 03

Bell, Book and Candle MAY 09 04
NO Watched MAY 09 04 (both cites by same poster in same post; but actual dialogue fun, poster cites word "beautiful," NO Watched by me 08 21 04 and word was "fascinating.")

Bicentennial Man JUN 11 03

Biodome DEC 01 03

MST3K SEP 12 04
The Brain That Wouldn't Die ep was suggested
Whether it was the wiseass robots or the film itself was not specified.

Brazil APR 17 03
Character says "That's the beauty of it." only NOV 11 04

Buckaroo Banzai AUG 15 03
Unclear NO AUG 15 03, NO Checked Script (by me) AUG 23 04

Carry On [whatever] Thu Mar 3 05 various
Sidney James line suggested

Catch Me if You Can APR 21 03
Hanks line?

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang APR 18 03
NO Watched (by me, won't guarantee 100% attention) 08 21 04
NO, Watched, SEP 10 04

City Slickers APR 12 03

Clockwork Orange APR 14 03

Commercial TV APR 13 03
Not any one specifically

Commercial, IBM TV APR 17 03
NO per IBM APR 28 03
But what about the boss when played by Marshall Bell (Total Recall) SEP 12 04?

Comedian, Standup TV MAY 29 03
Woman on Comedy Central, about toothbrush

Crazy People APR 12 03
Moore line?

Cube APR 12 02
NO Watched APR 09 04, will say there may be confusion on my part between a The Cube and a Cube.

Delicate Delinquent, The AUG 11 03

Dennis the Menace JUL 03 03
assume movie

Dr. Strangelove JAN 10 05 (via Private Message)

Drop Dead Fred APR 23 03
Rik Mayall, Button dialogue Close, need to verify and date for Early

Dogma APR 14 03
NO, Watched, APR 15 03

Ernest Goes to Jail MAY 30 04
Bank security scene

Doctor Strangelove JAN 10 05

East Village AUG 06 03

Far Side Newspaper Strip MAY 09 03

Fisher King, The APR 14 03

Flubber APR 18 04
assume recent movie

Friends TV APR 11 03
MATCH when 2 ep combined JUN 02 03

Futurama TV APR 11 03
Check the Farnsworth Engine ep JUL 30 03

Get Smart TV APR 10 04

Ghost Train DEC 08 04
By Arthur Askey, based on Arnold Ridley play.

Ghostbusters APR 12 03

Great Muppet Caper, The APR 14 03

Heidi (Disney) MAR 19 04

Hellraiser IV: Bloodletting MAR 01 04
Maybe in flashback sequence.

Help! AUG 09 04
NO, Watched, SEP 10 04

High Fidelity APR 18 03
NO Watched 08 11 04

It's Only Money AUG 11 03

Jason's Lyric APR 14 03

Jurassic Park APR 21 03
Goldblum line?

Last Angry Man MAY 30 03

Leisure Suit Larry game MAY 10 03

Little Noises Apr 23 03

Mary Poppins NOV 18 04

Meet the Parents APR 12 04
NO Watched JUL 08 04

Mom and Dad Save the World MAY 31 04
Garr and Lovitz

Mr. Accident MAY 08 03

National Lampoon's Vacation APR 12 03

Needful Things JAN 28 04

Neverending Story, The APR 11 03
NO Watched NOV 11 04

Nine Months APR 14 03

Nutty Professor, The MAY 07 03

Pleasantville MAR 07 04
In the diner when everyone is asking about the books?

On the Yard JUN 27 03
NO per "certainly not" JUL 30 03

Red Dwarf TV APR 19 03
NO Checked Scripts NOV 02 03
But in ?Queeg? ep, Rimmer says ?Feel? He doesn?t feel anything. He?s a computer? Sun Apr 17 05

Remains of the Day APR 20 03

Scrooged APR 20 03

Seinfeld TV APR 11 03
Never gets specific citation. In the 4th season, Jerry and George's TV idea gets discussed, and a pilot made. The closest dialogue is from show #43 (2nd of the season, "The Pitch"), "J: And it's about nothing? G: Absolutely nothing." Eh! Not so close.

Sleeper APR 15 03
No offered close quote APR 16 03

Spaceballs May 09 03
NO Checked Script May 09 03

Talented Mr. Ripley APR 22 03
NO Watched APR 24 03

"10" APR 14 03

Third Rock from the Sun TV APR 10 03

Three Stooges, The Shorts APR 16 04
Few things would be more satisfying than for this to pan out. High likelihood pre-1950 date, and they are AMERICAN.

Time Bandits APR 14 03

Time Machine, The (1960) AUG 06 03
No Watched AUG 27 04

Tomb Raider JUN 01 03
Clock scene, NO Watched Jun 01 03

Two Weeks' Notice APR 17 03

What Women Want APR 20 03
NO Watched APR 20 03

When Harry Met Sally APR 12 03
NO, Watched APR 13 03

Wizard of Oz APR 17 03
NO Checked Script APR 17 03

Posted by kcor1953beauty at 8:21 AM CDT | Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink
Updated: 12/05/05 7:35 PM CDT
Topic: *STRONG but refuted
Big APR 10 03
NO, Checked Script, APR 10 03

Big Lebowski APR 18 03
NO APR 21 02 unclear whether Watched or Checked Script

Christmas Story APR 10 03
NO, Watched, APR 11 03

Formula 51 APR 11 03
NO, Watched, APR 12 03 Also known as 51st State, The

Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy, The APR 16 03
Originally radio, then audio, prose, TV and now a feature film as of April 29 2005
A MATCH JAN 04 04 reported for it "on DVD," but it's a special case because the report was on another site. First hand corroboration requested. Meantime we have a first-hand NO Watched FEB 01 04; and another NO Watched from the Original Poster APR 22 04.
No Checked prose (HHGG only) MAY 14 04
BUT SEE ALSO "Exceptional Cases" section for more on the books; they were given a "Yes" by an adamant poster on the original ssywak thread early in 2005.

Hudsucker Proxy, The APR 15 03
NO Checked Script, AUG 04 03; NO Watched APR 15 04

Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy, The APR 15 03
Movie, about the pills
NO Checked Script Sep 04 04 used search on PDF file, no "it do," "anything," "beauty"

Kids in the Hall, The TV APR 15 03 by association
Vague match Checked Script Sep 04 04
[http://www.kithfan.org/work/transcripts/three/newdog.html] The website's "synopsis" for the transcript is "So, what does it do?" They date the sketch as 1991. Operant part: Kevin: [putting dog on floor] Here Tiggy. [sits down on couch]
Dave: So. Tsk, what does it do?
Kevin: Huh?
Dave: Tsk. [to the dog who doesn't move as Dave talks to her] Come on, lie down. Lie down. Roll over. Come on. Lie down. Roll over. Play dead. [to Kevin] What a useless dog!
Kevin: Huh?
Dave: It doesn't do anything. Gotta go Jerry. [gets up and walks towards door] Thanks for lettin' me see your dog.

Live a Little, Love a Little APR 12 03
A definite YES NOV 29 03
But NO, Watched 08 17 04 (by me, currently CLOSEST EARLIEST. I will elaborate.)

Lover Come Back JAN 10 04
NO Watched (by me) AUG 19 04 Closest it came was Q:"I have a right to know." A:"There's no such product as Vip." Vip was later created, and did something. It was not beautiful, what it did.

Monty Python's The Meaning of Life APR 15 03
NO the machine that goes Ping, Checked Script MAY 02

Pulp Fiction APR 13 03
Should check Jules & Vincent re: foot massages APR 23 03
NO in general per constant viewing MAY 11 03

Raising Arizona APR 12 03

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins OCT 23 03
NO Watched OCT 29 03

Simpsons, The TV APR 12 03
Not any one specifically. I enter it here as each suggested ep gets shot down posthaste.

Simpsons, The TV AUG 13 03
Giant head. Some dispute over YES or NO Jan 12-14 04
NO, Checked script, I've lost the date of post

Simpsons, The TV JUL 04 04
Homer, Herb, drinking bird NO, Watched, APR 07 04. On MAY 13 04, a vision of the same scene but in live action was reported.

Star Trek IV JUN 22 03
Glasses scene, NO but Close (includes Beauty) JUN 22 03

Star Trek TNG TV APR 17 03
Season 4, "The Wounded" ep, Special case AUG 15 03. An exact match is reported, but on another site. Corroboration is requested, with specific air date. ST:TNG is quite late, and as much as I like ST (plenty), it never had an original thought in its 40 year history. On AUG 15 03 it was suggested they stole it from this thread. All they would have to have done is fly a boomerang trajectory around the sun.... Meantimes, a first-hand NO Checked Script FEB 03 04, for "Wounded" and all ep (except ep 2), also DS9 and all movies, and a NO Watched for "Wounded" from same source.

True Lies DEC 23 03
CLAIMED EXACT MATCH Schwarzenegger and Arnold, same wording, different emphasis. Needs corroboration.
NO Watched AUG 31 04

Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory APR 11 03
NO, Checked Script, APR 11 03

Posted by kcor1953beauty at 8:20 AM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: 07/05/05 7:30 AM CDT
Topic: *STRONG not refuted
HERE is where to look for things to watch!

Bloodbath at the House of Death APR 14 03
And consider other Kenny Everett

Cash McCall JAN 10 04

Dr. Who TV APR 11 03
Special case, APR 12 03, in that Season 17 ep "The City of Death" contains a re-ordered and hyper-supercilious version of the full dialogue, is about the TARDIS, was written by Douglas Adams, and is an exchange between John Cleese and Eleanor Bron. Aired Fall 1979. It not only has every element to the Nth except early date, but is esthetically exquisite. See the APR 12 post for the attribution of this great answer.

Monty Python's Flying Circus TV APR 15 03
Suggested by inference

Office Space APR 18 03
Unclear NO AUG 11 03 (I'm confused here)

Real Genius APR 12 03
NO by Original Poster APR 25 03; but YES by long-time poster Watched MAY 11 04. Immediately NO Checked Script MAY 12 04 by another long time poster. Go figure. I'm putting this listing in NOT REFUTED, as a compromise.

Santa Claus: The Movie MAY 10 03
Moore line?

Saturday Night Live TV JUN 26 03
Spade/Meadows 900 # sketch

Star Trek TOS TV SEP 18 03
"Tribbles" ep, NO in Blish novelization(s) SEP 28 03

Toys APR 11 03

West Wing, The TV APR 22 03
Season 3, "Dead Irish Writers" ep
Pretty sure NO, Watched Dec 09 04
Poster qualified their report, and as the dialogue comes thick, fast, and at varied audio levels I'll leave it here.

Wheeler Dealers, The AUG 09 04

Wizard of Id FEB 13 04 Newspaper strip (daily cited)
The Wizard invents TV hundreds of years early, quote in last two panels, with The King (who is a fink). Need corroboration (date?, collection?)

Posted by kcor1953beauty at 8:20 AM CDT | Post Comment | View Comments (5) | Permalink
Updated: 07/05/05 7:32 AM CDT

Play it Again, Sam JAN 20 04 assume movie
Cites "It doesn't do anything." w/o "That's the beauty of it." Because it was originally a play with an even earlier date it's worth noting here, the question before the answer is not cited, and there is the possibility surrounding dialogue will flesh it out even more. Further, this is the source of the misremembered Casablanca quote and almost never mentioned when that quote is pooh-poohed.

Rik Mayall person APR 23 03
Bottom and Young Ones suggested, TV I think. Believe a writer/performer whose oeuvre needs investigation. I erroneously reported a NO to Little Noises in previous versions of this chart, have moved it to SUGGESTED. Close in Drop Dead Fred, which see.

Rise and Fall of Reginald Perrin, The TV JUL 18 03
Second season, third ep, an EXACT MATCH is claimed. The importance of this citation is such that corroboration is desired. I have looked at script excerpts and find a pill that does nothing in series two, and a "That's the beauty of it" (about a real estate scam) in series three. Thus the desire for scrutiny of complete eps. The series aired from 1976-78, the post cited includes a link to the show's IMDb page. Writer for the series is listed as David Nobbs. Dialogue is between stars Leonard Rossiter and Geoffrey Palmer. Some links on JUL 09 04 (and I have added some to this site).

TRBB (TDDA) webpage APR 11 03
The Really Big Button (That Doesn't Do Anything) evidently appeared on the Internet in the mid-90s. The one at SpatulaCity was cited. While an iconic item in its own right, it is too young (in fact the Internet itself is too young) to be a satisfactory source. Original Suggester recommended it as a relaxant while pondering our quote.

The Collective Unconscious psychological concept APR 12 03
Would explain much.

Prose Source:

Disc World APR 16 03

Galactic Pot-Healer AUG 14 03
By Phillip K. Dick (I thought this was by Kilgore Trout, which opens up a whole new can of--something)

Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy SEP 01 03 originally radio, later TV
There were sequels, too (REU, LUE, SLTAF, and two new ones I don't know the titles of) ultimately leading to a six-part trilogy, available in one volume; the whole of which I do not own.
HHGG NO, Read May 14 04
Then on JAN 06 05 a poster claimed it was in the "books" and the TV show and the radio show--at least in the UK.
refuted by a NO Watched TV Jan 08 05
Jan 06 05 poster then claimed he'd never seen the TV show, but had YES Read "yesterday" Jan 09 05
At which point I announced my resolve to read the dang things myself. To date, I?ve read HHGG, LUE, SL&TFATF (not REU), and I say NO read.
Also, NO Read Sat Apr 9 05 the 6 books in one volume, confirming same poster?s more general NO post Feb 18 05
But, YES Watched TV Mon Apr 18 05 ?saw? exact line recently; posted by new poster who says they own the radio show on CD and the TV show on DVD. Yipes. See also entry under STRONG BUT REFUTED.
Muddying the waters is the release of a feature film in April 2005.
Watch this space.

How the West was Lost AUG 06 03

SF short story MAY 06 03
Just bound to be.

Sherlock Holmes And The Computer AUG 05 03
by Thomas H. Hunter, http://www.icubed.com/~thunter/stories/computer.htm
"But what does it do, Holmes?" "Anything, Watson! That's the beauty of it--a machine that is not restricted to a single task, but can do anything you ask of it." "But what is it doing now?" "Er, nothing really." muttered Holmes as he tried to block my view of the clattering typewriter. (Pretty good, but needs date)

Vonnegut Monkeyhouse or Player Piano MAY 06 03

Axiom or something AUG 13 03
"Many churches are like that impressive invention which had hundreds of wheels, coils, gears, pulleys, belts, bells, and lights which all went around and rang and flashed at the touch of a button. When the inventor was asked about the function of the weird machine, he replied, "What does it do? Oh, it doesn't do anything, but doesn't it run beautifully?" (New poster Sat 9 05 credits ?Dropping Your Guard,? a vanity press book of sermons ?by? Charles R. Swindoll, which the Aug 13 03 poster on Mar 13 05 notes was released no later than 1986.)

Intriguing Possibilty:

Burke's Law TV AUG 17-18 03
Unclear partial MATCH. A chunk of text from an unidentified source (see the posts for url of search page and what to search for) lists the answer as what may be dialogue or exposition, from the script or from a fan synopsis. Question is not present. Burke's Law is a late 50s-early 60s US series.

Unclassifiable Post:
"Has anyone consulted The Collected Wit and Wisdom of Dr. Hibbert, of Springfield? Or perhaps the works of Dr. Nick Riviera ("HI, DR. NICK!")? I do believe that it was "The Simpsons" take on The Machine That Goes 'Ping.' Dick Solomon may have used the phrase, too. I'm fairly certain that it wasn't from a feature film." MAR 18 04
This one is too deep for me.

Posted by kcor1953beauty at 8:06 AM CDT | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Updated: 07/05/05 7:36 AM CDT
Topic: *BEAUTY's Greatest Hits
"That's the beauty of it" GREATEST HITS (selected posts that made our day, and all ssywak's posts):
Fri Apr 11 03
I think it's from a lot of things.
Sat Apr 12 03
Although it's such an obscure place, I'm wondering if the quote hasn't been used more than once. Anyway, it's in the Elvis musical, "Live a Little, Love a Little" (1967). Elvis goes to a swinging party, and the host shows him this arty-looking gadget with flashing lights. Elvis and the host exchange those lines, then the host goes on to say that it's a "conversation piece." Elvis carries it over to this sexy dame who's caught his eye (Celeste Yarnall), and when she asks about it, he breaks into the musical pick-up line, "A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action," as Celeste coyly smirks and everyone around them does the watusi. This, of course, is the original source of that recent postmortem Top 10 hit. [currently CLOSEST/EARLIEST, which see]
Sat Apr 13 03
The film you're describing is Toys. It's been a long time since I saw it, but it sounds like it might be the right film.

Of course, the other possibility is that five million years ago, primitive man was visited by aliens who said that constantly. And so, it's worked its way into our collective subconscious, with the result that we all recognise it, even though we haven't heard it anywhere ourselves.
Mon Apr 14 03
Tue Apr 15 03
Am firmly of the belief that this quote does not exist. It's moderately funny and captures the imagination. You could dedicate an entire TV episode with that as the title. Congrats to ssywak (P.S. - you suck [coyly smiling smilie])

Having said that it could be from "Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy." One of the pills pitched to the boss of the drug company--maybe.
Tue Apr 15 03
I believe there is one specific answer that is THE one most of us are thinking of. I'm just not sure what it is.
Tue Apr 15 03
I think it's Pulp Fiction referring to what's inside the briefcase.
Wed Apr 16 03
I know I've heard this quote or the same sort of line more than once, I agree it's possibly Monty Python, and the English stuff sound about right, but I've got a nagging feeling I've READ it somewhere to, possibly Discworld.
Fri Apr 18 03
Sorry maybe this quote has never been said anywhere.
Sat Apr 19 03
The male brain? Oh, sorry, I thought you meant what is this a description of?! (Couldn't resist.)
Sun Apr 20 03
In response to people checking scripts--what if the line was ad-libbed?
Tue Apr 22 03
Tue Apr 22 03
No, this could be the thread that never ends. It's amusing as well as frustrating.
BTW I've found the query on 3 different message boards, it's becoming a legend I swear.
Mon Apr 28 03
Ok, so I was wrong, it'd DEFINITELY not an IBM commercial. Hehehe, look at this:

"Jon -- you have certainly piqued our curiosity here. But,
unfortunately, the quote did not come from an IBM ad. Good luck with your search. Sincerely, Judi Tannenbaum

IBM Corporate Marketing
New Orchard Rd
Armonk, NY 10504"

I can't believe I wrote to them. This is most fun.
Mon Apr 28 03
It was an episode of Seinfeld--or Friends.

Or it was the movie Those Fantastic Men and Their Magical Flying Machine
No it was The Russians are Coming!, The Russians are Coming!

Wait! I'm sure it was Mary Poppins!

I think this thread is too full of "It might be..." The guy who started this thread needs to go all through the list, assign each person here a movie to check out since he wanted to know. "Calculatus Eliminatus" the only way to find out what something is is to find out what it's not.
Thu May 1 03
[excerpt] ...I don't know what to think anymore.
Fri May 02 03
[poster whose favorite suggestion was just refuted, subject: "Oh, bite me"]
I'm totally kidding, just also totally frustrated.
Fri May 02 03
"...It doesn't DO anything, that's the beauty of it." MY theory:
It was somehow subliminally tapping into our subconscious every time a commercial appeared on TV, getting us to buy their products. No wonder why I always seem to fall for those useless infommercials!
Mon May 05 03
Let this be the last post. It is from many things and is not an exact quote. Here Layeth the end!
Mon May 05 03
Actually here layeth the end!
Fri May 09 03
[Quotes ssywak]
"This phrase did not enter the public's superconscious until I posted this question here. But, since the superconscious is not temporally bound, we all now remember the phrase as if we have always known it. Something about Jungian archetypes, I think."

You are exactly right. Sometimes a work of art taps into a previously unstated but already existing awareness in humanity as a whole. Other times, the awareness exists but nobody expresses it. You detected it and expressed it, and had you done so in a film, a painting, or a poem you would have been honored for capturing the thoughts and feelings of an entire generation. So although the phrase "It doesn't DO anything. That's the beauty of it." will now become part of mankind's intellectual heritage, because you posted it as a question on this board, you--alas--will only be remembered and honored by us few here.
Wed May 28 03
I just had a thought. Maybe this is actually going to become a new religion! The purpose of life in our religion is to find the source of this quote (Remember it doesn't exist in reality. You must find the source in spirit.) This is the bible, and ssywak is the messiah, unknowingly of course. He will be crucified by the unbelievers who've gone months without sleep unwittingly racking their brains to find the answer to the question. It's the question that drives us. God is the spiritual being, he who speaketh the quote. Much like god he is not a real person, but a holy being who bespoke this quote into the subconsciouses of the unknowing few.
Wed May 28 03
Wed Jun 11 03
It just goes on and on like Friends
Some people started answering not knowing what it was
And they'll continue answering forever just because
This is the thread that never ends
It just goes on and on like Friends
Some people started answering not knowing what it was
And they'll continue answering forever just because
This is the thread that never ends...
[on and on for many verses]
Wed Jun 11 03
All work and no play and that's the beauty of it. All work and no play and that's the beauty of it. All work and no play and that's the beauty of it. All work and no play and that's the beauty of it. All work and no play and that's the beauty of it. All work and no play and that's the beauty of it. All work and no play and that's the beauty of it. All work and no play and that's the beauty of it. All work and no play and that's the beauty of it. All work and no play and that's the beauty of it. All work and no play and that's the beauty of it. All work and no play and that's the beauty of it. All work and no play and that's the beauty of it.
Tue Jun 14 03
[A NM post of this date is subject-ed "I hear the voice of Jerry Lewis...." It is not clear whether this means they suggest it is a line from a Jerry Lewis movie, or they are having an epiphany.]
Mon Aug 18 03
greatest. thread. ever.
(although I'm less than halfway through it.)
Thu Oct 23 03
----S P O I L E R S----
I believe the quote is from the movie, "Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins." This movie stared Fred Ward as the titled character. He was a NY average joe cop. A secret organization forcibly recruited him by 'killing' joe cop and giving him plastic surgery and a new name derived from a bed pan.

The operative that did it to him comes upon a large piece of machinery in a guarded warehouse. But as he and Remo look at it, it starts to disintegrate before their eyes. It was supposed to be a new defense system for the U.S., but the builder only built it to get the money. It was never supposed to work. I think when Remo or someone asks what it does, the head of the organization, played by Wilford Brimley says, "It doesn't DO anything. That's the beauty of it."

This is the movie that has Joel Grey play a Korean teacher who walks on water. He stops Remo from eating hamburgers and shows him how to walk on sticks. There is also a scene where 2 Doberman dogs are chasing Remo. Remo goes high and walks a tightrope to get away from the dogs. One of the dogs ALSO walks the tightrope. Kate Mulgrew is also in the movie.

Now, I'm not positive but I think that's where I heard the quote before. Hope this clears everything up for you--and everybody else.
[I just like this synopsis, and wish more of them on the IMDb pages were like it.]
Sat Nov 01 03
500 replies and 7 months later-- we still don't know what we're talking about--we don't know if its a real quote, we dont know what kind of movie it might be from--its a bell ringing with a clapper wrapped in wool--it might ring a bell, if any details could be recalled, but hasn't--it's like a ufo experience--everybody thinks they've heard it somewhere, some even think they know exactly, but cant bring it out--

Mon Jan 19 04
For anyone still trying to figure this out:

I believe this quote is the equivalent of a Rorshach test. It is a perfectly generic throwaway comedy line, with a rhythm that can be found in just about every comedy--whether it be in film, television, commercials, or books. This is why it is so easy to project it onto whoever or whatever you happen to be thinking of.
This would explain the incredibly wide range of responses covering the entire spectrum of entertainment, none of which have any proof to back them up. If it really was a line that was in "lots of movies," then someone would have proven that it's in at least ONE movie, don't you think? The fact is that SIMILAR lines exist.

Now that the line has infected the internet, it will no doubt turn up in an actual movie verbatim, but the real place it belongs is in a psychology text book. Pretty cool actually.
Fri Feb 13 04
I've heard it on a TV show--but I do recognize it from a movie. This is KILLING ME!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!! *runs from room, only to realize she left her pop. Then comes slinking back*
Wed Mar 17 04
Well thank you all sooo much.

Here I am trying to kill some time while I wait for a download to finish. And know I along with half the Internet, by the look of it, am hell bent on finding the answer.

Never has one answer been on the tips of so many tongues at one time. And on behalf of that answer Ewww.

Of course you search the `net for the quote and just get other threads in other forums discussing the exact same topic.

We will never find the answer, I suspect.
Wed Apr 07 04
I go away for almost a year, and when I come back this thread is STILL around, like something stuck to my shoe that I can't scrape off.
Thu Apr 08 04
You'll have to speak up. I'm wearing a towel.
Thu Apr 08 04
I seem to remember the phrase "It doesn't DO anything. That's the beauty of it." It comes from a message posting site called "I Need to Know," that was popular back in the early 21st century. This board was at a "website" called "IMDB" which most historians have surmised is an acronym for "I Married David Bowie," perhaps in reference to the model Iman, who had lots of time on her hands.
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear IMdb.com post
Happy Birthday to you
Mon Apr 12 04
Isn't it from a Bill Gates interview when asked about Windows????
Tue Apr 27 04
What about Monty Python - The Meaning of Life. In the hospital, with the machine that says "bing"?

Woman: "What does it do?"
Doctor: "It doesn't DO anything. That's the beauty of it."
Thu May 06 04
Well, I went to the next source I could think of for this quote.

Anyone here ever watch "Beat the Geeks"? Ya, I emailed the 'Movie Geek.' That's right. That's just how curious I am as to what the answer is to this puzzling question.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed here.
Fri May 07 04
That Movie Geek was a weenis. Any one of us should be better equipped than him to answer this.

Sun May 09 04
I have packed my backpack, filled my water bottles and grabbed my walking stick. I will go in search of this great line. I have contacted the FBI, CIA and Leonard Nemoy, who will have a special airing of this matter on his program In Search of. All the wanted posters are in place as is the reward.

Cheers, wish me luck. I will be back with the answer and the proof!

Sun May 09 04
Good luck, [deleted]. ;). Actually, that would make a really fun documentary, methinks.
Mon May 10 04
I agree--would be worth a watching--could be done really well and funny.
Mon May 10 04
Yeah--no kidding. I wish I really did have the ability to do so. Oh well, just finding the answer will win the glorious praise from all of you!
Mon May 10 04
Actually, thinking about it more now, it would be a boring documentary. What would be shot the whole time? A guy watching movies, looking through books, and scripts online? I think it would make a much better book, though.
Wed May 12 04
FYI: The 'Movie Geek' from "Beat the Geeks" emailed me back. He thought it was the drinking bird thing in the Simpsons. Apparently he read that somewhere.

My recollection of it is that Homer doesn't ask what it does, he merely exclaims:
"Oh my God! It's drinking the water!"
To which his brother replies: "Homer, it's just an example."
"This is the greatest invention ever! Look! It's taking another drink!"

Anyway, I'm now considering making a webpage just to post scripts for all of the movies noted as 'possible', just so people can check for themselves [this is not me]. It would probably include "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and that damn Simpsons episode.

Where will it end?!
Thu May 13 04
Has anyone noticed how BORING it is to read a book NOT for entertainment purposes, but to find a SINGLE LINE OF DIALOGUE??? I LOVE the Hitchhiker's Trilogy, have read it for fun several times, but plodding through it now, for the simple reason of looking for some very specific text, is BORING! I'm like 2 chapters in. I'll keep you posted.
Fri May 14 04
This thread is becoming like religion. It's all a matter of faith. The Simpsonites believe it is from the show with Homer's brother, and cannot be moved from that belief. The Hitchhiker people swear it is from that show/book, and they also cannot be moved. The rest just float around giving suggestions that cannot be proved or disproved depending on your belief. I am firm believer in Jimmy James from News Radio as having spoken it, but I can't prove it so I guess that make me an agnostic on the subject. Maybe there is no answer and that is the beauty of it.
Fri Jul 02 04
What the hell--I just printed this entire thread in flat format so every post shows up. Can you believe it was only 247 pages set on landscape setting? Yeah me neither--work printer is really fast--this took less than 10 minutes!

So now the quest begins--read `em all and make a list of movies guessed--maybe. Anyways I will be doing some reading real soon.

Wish me luck and I am sure I will want to slap some people who posted on here real soon.
Mon Aug 09 04
JEEZ LOUISE--it took 20 minutes to load this thread. What was the question again?

Oh yeah, you didn't have the complete quote. It's actually: 'It doesn't DO anything but hum the Canadian national anthem. That's the beauty of it'

Hope that helps.
Tue Aug 10 04
This is one of the most entertaining threads I've ever run across! I actually clicked on it by accident, but when I read the original post my first thought was "I've heard that before! But where?" Imagine my disappointment when, 744 posts later, there was still no answer! So apparently I've just joined the club with dozens of people who've heard it and can't place it. It's absolutely amazing. So thank you everyone for ruining my life! This is so annoying!

Now then, where have I heard that dialogue--
Thu Aug 12 04
Ah, here it is--this is taken directly from the movie Exit wounds: Two brain surgeons are examining Steven Seagal's brain while digging out a stray bullet, or a bottlecap, hard to tell.
First doctor- (surprised by the small size of Seagal's brain) "It's very cute, but what does it DO?"
Second doctor- "It doesn't DO anything. That's the beauty of it."

Mystery solved, case closed--nothing more to see here--now move along people, move along.
Thu Aug 12 04
I don't think we all know it from EXIT WOUNDS because I know that I've never watched a Steven Segal movie for more than 5 seconds. It's possible it's in the movie THE CUBE but I wouldn't know which part. They're mostly trying to get out, aren't they?
Tue Aug 24 04
Just finished watching Koyaanisqatsi for the seventh time, and I conclude that 'It doesn't DO anything. That's the beauty of it' does not appear anywhere in the movie. However, I now suspect that one of those people in the slow motion street scene mouths the words 'It doesn't DO anything. That's the beauty of it' but can't be sure until the lip reader gets here. Will advise.
Wed Aug 25 04
Hi guys, I just left the "does anybody know the value of pi" thread and dropped in on this one. What's everyone talking about?
Sat Aug 28 04
After much thought and careful research, I have decided that this quote actually springs from the 8th circle of Hell. It is a conniving demon in the form of a thought, a brain-invading gremlin that spreads like the flu and drives loony everyone with which it comes into contact. I therefore believe we should stop looking to movies for the answer, and instead look to the Yellow Pages for a good exorcist.

Anybody know of a way to convert holy water into HTML?
Sat Aug 28 04
I really can't be arsed to read this entire thread (I have contributed though - I thought it might be from "ET" but I really can't be arsed to watch the whole bloody film to find out) - are there any solid contendors for the quote then?

PS: I can't be arsed to do anything.
Sat Aug 28 04
[by ME]
Yes, conclusions, data and condensation of the thread at my website. Just updated THIS MORNING, for you. But we don't need thinkers anymore, just workers.

Sun Sep 05 04
definatly 'Friends'. can totally hear chandler saying that. not sure what about though

BTW, what a huge f**king thread! took ages to load
Sun Sep 19 04
This is driving me CRAZY!!!!
Sun Sep 12 04
It is from the simpsons episode where Homer's half brother is explaining his invention of the drinking bird, to which Homer asks "but what does it do."
thank you and goodnight.
Mon Sep 20 04
The drinking bird episode has been ruled out like a million times!
Wed Sep 22 04
It's the Simpsons I tell you!!
I've got an expert working on it so we should know which episode...
Sun Oct 03 04
Thanks for keeping the thread alive. I haven't been updating the website I established to list the titles, but I will. Hmmm--Simpsons experts? How's the donuts holding out?

Sun Oct 03 04
i vowed never to add to this thread again...

but here we go...

why is it so hard for us to admit that this is not an actual quote? why is it so hard for us to let this go? this has turned into "waiting for godot" here. this clearly isn't a real quote, but rather an example of how extraordinary the human mind is. we think we remember something exactly, but we are quite wrong. example: hundreds of responses back, people were certain this quote was from "willy wonka" then "the hudsucker proxy" then "futurama" and now "the simpsons." doesn't the fact that so many people have come up with so many possibilities that they are so sure of and yet so wrong say something??

this quote stems from an old belief/truth. something is beautiful only when it serves no purpose. this theme was explored in "blow-up" in a similar quote, when the main character buys an old plane propeller to put in his art studio. someone asks why, and he says, "because it's beautiful" or something to that effect. if you turn the commentary on, the speaker futher elaborates on this idea. it's probably a theme that has been playing upon countless times, and this is where this quote came from. not from one specific film but from every film.

that being said, has anyone thought of, "the nightmare before christmas"?

Tue Oct 05 04
While watching a WWII documentary on The History Channel, they had a piece of film with a German general assuaging Hitler's concerns about the French army. It went something like:
Hitler--Was tut es?
General Runstedt--Es TUT nichts. Es ist die Sch?nheit davon, mein Fuhrer!!

I predict this will be the LAST post in this thread.....I'd stake my life on it.
Tue Oct 05 04
open or closed casket?
Wed Oct 06 04
My bet is that this entire thing is the thread starter's college thesis...
Wed Oct 27 04
I assume one of you did this. I had an important assignment. Then I stumbled on this. I blame you ALL if I fail my exams now.
Tue Nov 09 04
That was me.
Thu Nov 11 04
Blimely just realized this thread started in 2003!!!!
Thu Nov 11 04
Tue Nov 16 04
Mwu Ha Ha Ha! <-----Evil laugh.
[ssywak's #18 reply]
Wed Dec 01 04
It's toward the end of "Birth of a Nation". When the KKK are burning a cross on somebody's lawn. One clan member asks another about why they burn crosses. At least that's what the title card says. I could be wrong?
Wed Dec 08 04
The quote is said by Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty. It's when he lectures Bruce.
Wed Dec 08 04
Oops I forgot to close the brackets in the last post!!
" ) "
That's better I can sleep easier tonight now!!
Fri Dec 10 04
The trouble is that this thread actually started more than a month before Bruce Almighty opened! (04/10/03 vs. 05/23/03)
Fri Dec 10 04
Actually it isn't said in Bruce Almighty...what you are thinking of is:
GOD: The only thing you can't do is mess with free will
BRUCE: Can I ask why?
GOD: Yes you can, that's the beauty of it
Close but not quite it!
Mon Dec 20 04
i dont know why, but when i read it i immeadiatly thought of galaxy quest, or some other form of tim allen
Mon Dec 20 04
I think one form of Tim Allen is sufficient, thank you.

Wed Dec 22 04
This line comes from a movie that has yet to be written by a collective of posters from IMDb.com, the famous website where movie lovers discuss film. In the future, this group writes a film where thousands of posters contribute one line each to form a script of incomparable convolution, then send one of themselves back in time to start this thread to insure the production of the film in the future. So let's get together, write this movie, and do all of our future selves a great favor.

Fri Feb 18 2005
I just finished the entire works of Douglas Adams (Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy) ... this quote is not in there. I have never known the entire story so I thought this was as good a time to read it as any ... and you will all be happy to know that it was this thread the prompted me to read it.
Fri Feb 18 2005
Damn! I just stumbled across this thread an hour ago, and I've almost gone crazy. I KNOW THIS! I DO! It's some annoyed, frustrated person who says the line- perhaps some wacky scientist??? Or maybe from the Simpsons. Well, my life's over. I'm never going to be able to concentrate in school again, and I'll lose all my friends. DAMN YOU ALL!

Beady eyes is right, we're needed!
Tue Feb 22 2005
I still think it might be from Third Rock from the Sun.

Mary: But what does it do?

Dick: It doesn't do anything that's the beauty of it.

*audience laughs*
Sat Mar 19 2005
dear L0rd is this still going on??
I thought we got the answer about umm..a year ago? This thread is coming up for it's 2nd birthday is that what's going on? You all just want to party dont you..?[

Seriously. The right answer is in here. I SAW IT. [smiley icon] BELIEVE
Sat Apr 9 2005
Why not shoot another movie with that quote in it again?

What does it do? Well, we then know for sure at least one answer to the puzzling question.

In addition, the copyright holder of the original quote should sue, for infringement, the distributors of the new film.
And that's the beauty of it, because then we know where the original quote comes from for sure. At last!

Tue Apr 5 2005
I don't know... I just wanted to be the 1000th reply in this legendary thread.
Sat Apr 9 2005
Congratulations! It's been exactly two years since this post was created and still no one has come up with a feasible answer! This is downright amazing!

I think this quote, NO I know this quote does not exist! Maybe the first part appears in some movie or show and the second part in another, but they do not appear together! End of story!

Please, everyone just drop this subject and move on!

Wait, what am I saying? I need to know this answer! Someone please help! I have not left my computer since when I first came across this post. HONEST!

So can someone explain what has been happening over the past few years?

Does anyone know the answer? I'll let my fiancee do you if you know the answer! That's how dedicated I am!

So, for the love of god, someone answer!

Happy 2 year anniversary, you DEMONIC post!
Sun Apr 17 2005
I think it was Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Charlie's grandfather asks what one of Willy Wonka's gadgets does, he says It doesn't do anything thats the beauty of it."
Sun Apr 17 2005

My kids watch that movie over and over. It's not the line.

He says, "What does it do? Want to see?"

If any one else post Willy Wonka I will trace their IP address, show up at their door and flay them to an inch of their lives.

Any Questions....
Mon May 2 2005
I think i might have heard Morgan Freeman say it in one of his movies but I'm not positive.
Mon May 2 2005

That's so very helpful.
[ssywak?s #27 reply]
Tue May 3 2005
He spoke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tue May 3 2005
I will not get sucked into this one again, I will not get sucked into this one again, I will not get sucked into this one again.

Thanks just had to get that off my chest.
The Venerable ssywak's first post is, of course, The OP. But here are his subsequent posts. (In the New Testament, they would be printed in red letters.)
#2 post

Wed Apr 16 03
I'm here. This is not a scam. I've just been very busy (sorry)

But--no definitive answer, yet. That sucks!

I appreciate everyone's wracking their brains on this, and I wish it was a quiz, and I could say, "The correct answer is..." but I can't. I just don't know.

-Steve (not Daveq-1)

PS-It's not "Real Genius." I just re-watched that, and the quote's not there (it should be, but it isn't--not even in the bar scene near the end where they're all sitting around just about to realize their mistake).
#3 post
So...Formula 51, or one of those IBM commercials.

I hereby relieve all of you of duties to this thread. You're free to go.

But, of course, I still have to verify these two responses--


PS-Oh, SH*&^, I just read that Formula 51 was debunked. Also: Real Genius (not there).
#4 post
Thu May 08 03
The Australian Egg movie is (I think) "Mr. Accident," with Yahoo Serious (I'm not kidding).

But I don't know if that is the answer to the puzzle--I haven't seen the movie. I guess I owe it to everyone here to sit through it this weekend--where's my Blockbuster coupons?


PS. This phrase did not enter the public's superconscious until I posted this question here. But, since the superconscious is not temporally bound, we all now remember the phrase as if we have always known it. Something about Jungian archetypes, I think.
#5 post
Tue Aug 05 03
I'm here. I'm watching; I'm waiting for an answer. I'm looking at every movie I own (and some I don't), though obviously not as quickly as everyone would like.

Nothing yet.

I was also hoping that this thread would just DIE!, but apparently, it either won't--or can't.

I also hope that no one assumed I took "credit" for the original query. I'm just a carrier, passing along this particular word-virus. Enjoy!

# 6 post
Thu Aug 14 04
Maybe it's not a film-maybe its a book we've all read!

I'll assume that everyone here has read "Galactic Pot Healer" by Philip K. Dick....? No?

I'm just kidding, anyhow.

Also: apologies to all who have half-wasted their lives researching this quote.


#7 post
Wed Jan 14 04
I must apologize to everyone here.

Not because I really know the source of the quote--because I don't.

I must apologize for starting you all on such a painful journey. I'm sooooo sorry. I can only imagine how much this search has cost our Gross Domestic Product! Can you imagine how much better our economic recovery would have been if everyone hadn't been trying to figure out this quote?!?

I hereby release you all! Go home! Go back to your families and the warmth of your hearths and homes! Go back to your places of work and be productive once more! Be gone!

Stop thinking about the quote. There never was any quote. This was all a bad, bad dream--

-Steve 1/14/04

But, is this really it? http://forums.afterdawn.com/thread_view.cfm/55229. Is it really a Hitchhiker's guide quote? There seems to be direct supporting evidence--I shall have to check it out this weekend.
Fri Feb 02 04
#8 post
I agree, charmedlauren [poster who reported "NO Watched" to HHGG TV show]--I couldn't find the quote in there, either.

But I have heard a rumour that someone is making a Hollywood version of HGTTG. Maybe we could all petition them to include the phrase?

Post #9
Fri Mar 12 04
In less than one month, this question will have been plaguing us for ONE WHOLE YEAR.

It has to stop. Now. I want you all to put down your keyboards, and step away from the computer--

It's "Brenda Starr." Really, it is!

No, it isn't. I'm sorry. I just want it all to stop. Please, make it stop. I've done a very, very bad thing by even asking this question. Apparently, Dante predicted this would happen. I've re-read the Inferno, and he has actually assigned a ring of hell for anyone asking the question, "Where does this quote come from: 'It doesn't do anything!'?"

And it's not going to be a matter of me recognizing anything. This search has been around for so long that I can no longer remember the days of innocence, when I thought I recognized the quote for its own sake. Now all I know is the search for the source of the quote. The beauty of the original quote is now lost to me, forever.

Unless, of course, someone here knows where it came from--

# 10 post
Mon Mar 15 04

Let's hope that your buddies from "Scene It" become obsessed with it, and report back to you, so you can let us all know!

Personally, I'm starting to wonder if it isn't really the "Wizard of ID" cartoon as the source...but how in hell would one check that!

Post #11
Wed Mar 17 04
This is apparently one of the first documented human/meme viruses to be released successfully on the Internet.

I wish I could say that I'm really just doing a sociology study, and that you've all been my experiment, but no such luck. I'm really looking for the source of the quote, after all.

#12 post
Apr 22 04
Sorry, fellow travellers, but I still DON'T think that it's "Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

I just went through the series a second time (actually enjoyed it more this time around), and went through all the extra-likely spots an extra couple of times.

No luck. No quote.

If anyone wants to tell me I'm wrong, I would be eternally grateful. But please, tell me the scene, the characters in the scene, etc., etc. If not, I'm just going to have to chalk it up to someone's corrupted memory circuits, again.

And I was so looking forward to thanking everyone, and sending you all home with congratulations for a job well done.

Post #13
Sun Apr 25 04
I appreciate the help, guys, but you're not really helping.


We've been through all these guesses a thousand times (yes--I've counted).

If you know (and I really mean "KNOW") then please post title, scene, characters, and surrounding events.

And I know that it's not "Dude, Where's Your Car." I had the unique mispleasure of actually watching 5 minutes of that dreck-fest on FOX late one night. I'd rather chew on my own forehead than watch that hunk of garbage.
[immediately followed by a post: "One of my friends suggested The Honeymooners."]
Post #14
Thu Apr 27 04
[ re: Apr 25 post about Monty Python's The Meaning of Life] What about it? Is it there? Is it not? Do you know?

I'll check it out, though, just 'cause I'm that sort of guy. (viz. one with no life)
Post #15
Mon May 17 04
I'm going to Hell!

Look at all the human lives I've--wasted.

I want to thank you people again for all your efforts.

Now, get back to work: FIND THAT MOVIE!
Post #16
Wed Jun 30 04
Inner Space? Ernest Goes to Jail? Maybe it's in Zardoz.

(I actually have the last two, and I'm just kidding about Zardoz. I'll look in Earnest ;)

Post #17
Wed Nov 10 04
I watched Galaxy Quest recently, and it's almost from the scene with the big steel "Chompers,"

but it's not.

I keep thinking it's from a "Wizard of Id" cartoon (as in "funny papers" cartoon).

I'll be prowling the Barnes & Nobles this Christmas, stealing glances in the compilation books.

Thanks, everybody, for all the good work! Have a happy Thanksgiving! And don't forget to ask all your relatives about it.
Post #18
Tue Nov 16 04
[See "Greatest Hits" general]

Post #19
Thu Mar 3 2005
[In answer to another ?It?s definitely The Simpsons? post]

Been there, done that; and then been there, done that again.

Please follow these steps:

1) Watch the episode you think it's in.

2) Come back to the forum with your tail tucked between your legs, and post something along the lines of, "Yeah; you're right--that wasn't it," or, "It was almost like it, but not really; but I can see how I made that mistake!"

These are acceptable responses, and you will not lose face.
Post #20
Thu Mar 3 2005
[In answer to a query whether he originated The Question, and if it started here.]

I came across an earlier post on www.hatrack.com (a fansite put up by the author Orson Scott Card), which lead me to post the question here. There was just a discussion on a similarly named thread re. which one pre-dated the other.

I'm not the first. But, apparently, I am the worst.
Post #21
Thu Mar 17 2005
[A poster cites a specific episode of TV?s Alf.]

I can see a trip to Blockbuster in my immediate future...

You seem awfully confident in your response. Can you offer any additional confirming proof? Surrounding dialogue, for instance. Also, have you reviewed that episode to confirm the quote?

If all this works out, you may just be..."the man."

Post #22
Thu Mar 17 2005
[Another poster suggests Willie Wonka.]

Read the FAQ, dude!

No more "guesses." Or "gusses."

Both your guesses have already been disproven.

I'm not sure if you understand what's going on here now.

This is serious stuff. No more playing around. Two people who posted here within the past three years have already been taken into protective custody by their local state mental institutions.

Please, if you are going to join us in our sacred search, you really need to has what it takes.

Do you has what it takes?

Do you?

Things you will need: a bag of orange slices. $5.

Post #23
Sun Mar 20 2005
[Alf poster admits the detailed Alf citation was sarcasm.]

Where's that damn "grumble" emoticon...?

Post #24
Mon Mar 21 2005
[EllenRipley112 provides a hot link to her INTK Board thread listing debunked suggestions.]

Thank you, Ellen,

I've marked it for quick access!
Post #25
Mon Mar 21 2005
[Another poster wonders if ssywak thought this up himself.]

No, I didn't think of it; I'm just the carrier of a devastatingly powerful viral meme.

Now you've got it, too.
Post #26
Wed Apr 6 2005
[A poster flames another poster who had suggested Wonka, and in the second poster?s sig is an anagram which the sig terms an allegory (sic). A third poster admonishes the second poster against flaming and points out that--er--an anagram is an anagram. ssywak tells the second poster:]

Calm down, dude. It is "anagram", BTW.

I keep wondering if those "Deleted by the poster" postrs really did contain the answer, and some conspiratorial group with higher powers is keeping the knowledge from us...can anyone say "National Treasure II"?
Post #27
Mon May 2 2005
[See ?Greatest Hits? general]
Post #28
Tue May 3 2005
[In response to ?Sphear, the movie with Sharon Stone.?]

I'm sorry, but NO WAY IN HELL!

First off: It's spelled "Sphere,"

Secondly: "Sphere," both as a film, and as a book, MAXXOR SUX, or whatever it is you kids say these days,

And Thirdly: It's not there. And even if it was--SHAME ON YOU for even remotely hinting at the distant possibility that someone should go and watch that horrible film just to check up on you. Personally, I'm embarassed to even be posting on the same board as you. But this had to be said.

Posted by kcor1953beauty at 1:01 AM CDT | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Updated: 07/05/05 7:18 AM CDT
(and what to do in future)

Since we've not come up with a match to date, we should note the closest "match," tempered by earliest occurance. I say it's Live a Little, Love a Little (1967-68). Here is this site's entry for that film:


Live a Little, Love a Little APR 12 03
A definite YES NOV 29 03
But NO, Watched 08 17 04 (by me, currently CLOSEST EARLIEST.)

Its original suggester was michael.will, with good detail and mis-en-scene (see this site's Greatest Hits). I watched it on a videotaped copy from TCM on their August 2004 Elvis day `cast.

Number one, what a pile of misogynist crap it was! Like a Beach Blanket movie with no charm. Anyway, about 55 minutes (55 minutes of hell!) into the movie, here's the operative dialogue:

[Party at rich publisher's house. Weird black box on bar.]

Elvis: [monotone cracker] What's that gadget, Mike?

Don Porter: [mellifluous, understatedly inflected] Looks impressive, doesn't it? That's my Nothing Box.

Elvis: Nothing Box?

Porter: Um-hm. Does absolutely nothing, but it's a great conversation piece."

Elvis uses it to start conversation with woman who wants a conversation started anyway, sings "A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action." Good tune, for post-Army Elvis movie.

Among our thoughts so far, the date is early (even by my lights). It has a question, an answer, a poetic qualifier. It refers to a McGuffin. It has Elvis. It has Gidget's TV dad. I call this a Level 2 match, with a good early date.

And I don't care if they say the exact lines a hundred more times in the balance of the movie, I ain't watching any more of it.

Meantime, here are more "Strong Not Refuted"s that need more work (prefer Watch, also Check Script if available, starred are extra-strong or sentimental faves):

*Bloodbath at the House of Death (plus other Kenny Everett stuff)

*Cash McCall

Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy (TV, also radio, also audio--I have somewhere, also book(s)--I have; currently checking personally). But note that the "original" TV series and the book (first one only?) has been REFUTED.

Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy has been refuted, also one skit of the TV show. But maybe somewhere--

Office Space

Pulp Fiction (gak!)

Rise and Fall of Reginald Perrin, The TV
But see the entry for RFRP in Exceptional Cases.

*Santa Claus: The Movie

Saturday Night Live TV (Spade/Meadows 900-number sketch)

Star Trek TOS TV (Trouble With Tribbles ep, I have homemade audio tapes but they're 40 years
old and where did I put them?)

Star Trek TNG TV (see post August 15 2003, et al.)


*West Wing TV (Dead Irish Writers ep)

Slave on, Spartacus! (No, don't watch Spartacus!)

Posted by kcor1953beauty at 12:01 AM CDT | Post Comment | View Comments (12) | Permalink
Updated: 18/02/05 5:00 PM CST

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